The Gift of Good Co-Parenting
” Being willing to consciously parent is an essential skill. Being willing to co-parent well is a gift.” Nina K. Sidell, M.A.
“Free yourself from antiquated ways, ineffective parenting styles and strategies or knee-jerk reactions by committing to parent with awareness. By making a conscious commitment to living with an open mind and heart, you free yourself from old habitual patterns, belief systems, and unconscious, inappropriate, or defensive responses. Try an expanded view and version of the old or ineffective style and strategies. Learn to do what works and release what does not. With awareness, you build acceptance and strength to deal with your child and his (or her) needs, both for now and for the future. Sometimes, that is much easier said than done. Let illusions of reality- outmoded ways of thinking, responding, and living that do not support your or your family go.” Parenting for Life, Nina K. Sidell, 2015.
When you marry or cohabitate and then bring a child into the world, the future success of your initial relationship is unknown to you. Hopefully, the relationship is sustained over time and the experience of being together with children grows in every way. Couples connect based on feelings of love, need, attraction, shared values or goals, and romantic commitments.
Whether you remain an in-tact unit or become single parents, you are responsible to keep the welfare of your children top of mind and heart at every turn.
As you help your children cope through the difficulty and pain, and as you all begin to heal, so will your co-parenting. The gift of growth and healing is present for the taking.
Here Are Some Tips to Consciously Co-Parent Well:
- Whether you are coupled/married or divorced, remember that the goal is to provide consistent love, safety, protection, guidance, and support for your children.
- Maintain healthy boundaries by keeping adult issues and conflicts away from your children. Your children get only one childhood and it’s significant for their lifetime.
- Take ownership if you over-share adult issues and conflicts in front of your children. Apologize and self-correct so to not repeat the behavior.
- Be responsible for how you deal with your co-parent, especially in front of your children so that you model self-control and respectful behavior.
- Work on resolving your individual and marital issues with a trusted therapist and/or parenting coach. Find a safe place to “dump”, be heard, and strategize.
- Work with a therapist and/or parenting coach to create a workable Parenting Plan- that covers the basics and specifics of childcare for your family.
- Agree to communicate with your ex in an agreed upon manner (privately) about children’s needs, schedules, changes as helpers in co-raising your children.
- Determine who is responsible for what as the parental responsibilities and goals are determined for the best interest of your children.
- Build-in flexibility and good problem-solving skills when unexpected scheduling, interpersonal issues, and emergencies arise.
- Encourage that your children have a positive relationship with the other parent.
- Have your children “catch you” saying positive things about themselves and the other parent.
- Healthy boundaries help you and your ex move on in your own personal/dating lives.
- Create clear boundaries around who are the safe caregivers for your children and who are not.
- Be sure to discuss safe adults with your children. Encourage and invite open communication about their needs, wishes, and feelings with active listening.
- Schedule time for fun. Reinforce the importance of fun bonding time with your children and both parents.
- Take good care of yourself. When you feel good, you are a better parent and co-parent.
Feel free to reach out for a Free Phone Consultation. Call: 215-628-0282 or Email: Nina@LiveInspiredwithNina.com I am here to help.
Inspiring Insights for Well-Being.
Live Inspired! ® Nina~
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