“Living with hope and peace (or not) are choices we all make and then live our lives accordingly.” Nina Sidell, M.A.
Life is both miraculous and terrifying, since so much is new and unexpected and other realities include responding to challenging patterns. Miraculous inventions and terrifying realities seem prevalent in this day and age. I believe that one way to deal with so much is to simply work toward inner and outer peace. Continue Reading…
“I see and hear stories of other people’s pain. I help them carry their truth, strength, and healing.” Nina Sidell, M.A.
Whatever your story, your personal life experience, and your reactions and defenses to date, determine your current and future experience. Self-awareness coupled with the focus on developing real self-worth is at the root of all real growth and change. Personal transformation requires readiness and re-parenting skills as you give and receive what you truly need.
As a parent gives to their child, you can reach inward and allow your inner parent to give to your inner child. You develop a greater trust and respect within yourself as you learn to meet your own needs with success. Your positive life-affirming choices and satisfaction evolve into a better way of life. All of your relationships grow and your self-assured confidence improves. When you re-parent yourself well, you are happier and consciously evolve into the best version of yourself.
Here are some ways you can identify your inner child/ teen:
Notice repetitive negative patterns, feelings, or unmet needs that you consistently experience.
Notice your self-talk or inner dialogue when happy or unhappy and identify their historic origins.
Get a sense of your age when dealing with repetitive pain points, negative feelings, unmet needs, or life patterns that continue to hurt you.
Ask yourself if you are aware of your younger self and parent your inner child or teen well- with the love you needed then and need now.
Pay attention to what and who delights you and lights you up inside.
Find out what you are afraid of, where you are blocked from moving forward that stifles, sabotages, or holds back your personal joy and power.
Here are ways you can take care of your inner child:
Ask your inner child or teen self what you need, want, and what you are feeling.
Be willing to tune into your physical and emotional aches and pains and find positive ways to attend to yourself.
Respect yourself by paying close attention as only you know what you need and want most.
Trust and respect what you need and want. Set limits with your adult self in charge to avoid excess, bad choices, or threats to your safety.
Create a healthy set of coping skills as an effective reward system that combines pleasing your adult self and your younger self.
Indulge your inner child’s wishes to let go, play, have fun, be silly, creative, fantasize, dream and enjoy special treats.
Remember, listen to the wisdom of your younger self. Only you know your life story and what you carry with you now. You know what you want and need and have the right to give yourself permission to be fully yourself. You are truly free when you integrate your life from pieces to wholeness.
Are you ready to adapt to crisp days and chilly nights? Are you making room for new growth and transformation in your life? With curiosity and grace, welcome each season, person, and insight into your view.
Think about it, where do you spend most of your emotional energy most days? Are you focused on getting things done, feeling upset, overwhelmed, sad, frustrated, frightened, or angry? Do you practice mindfulness to assist you in staying present and do you have healthy coping skills, emotional and physical outlets to help you cope? To become mindful with the intention of growth and peace is to fall in love with life, and to fall in love with your own life.
Here are some tips for Falling in Love with Your Life!
Pay attention to your thoughts and emotional focus, day-to-day and week-to-week, etc.
Observe your coping skills, (lack of) tools, and support.
Notice how you spend your time, day-to-day and week-to-week, etc.
Evaluate if you have fun and healthy outlets in your life that excite and enthuse you.
Acknowledge if the quality of your relationships reflect what makes you happiest with others.
Ask yourself the question, “Are you in love with your life?”
Then follow-up with two more questions, “If not, what would make this happen? What do you have to do to make it so?”
Forgive yourself and others who do not know how to embrace loving your own life.
Where does your personal self-care fall in the continuum of your life?
Does your life reflect your values and provide you with happiness you seek? Choose wisely for yourself…it’s your Life!
In these stressful times, feeling connected to our lives and a sense of purpose, connection, and joy is essential. We feel it and our children feel it. It’s time to evolve the status quo.
“Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement. Nothing can be done without hope and confidence.” Helen Keller
What happens to you when things around you are not working, are difficult, or are falling apart? Do you practice living consciously and with gratitude and optimism or do you sink into the depths of fear, panic or despair- cognitively and emotionally?
Ultimately, you are in charge of your responses to life events, other people, and things outside of your locus of control. You have learned coping skills and attitudes that grow with your life. It starts with what you tell yourself, then how you feel, and lastly the action steps that you take as a result of your thoughts and feelings. Even if you don’t know how, it is up to you to be responsible for how you manage your life. Optimism in particular when practiced consistently creates positive thinking, manageable and pleasant emotions, and positive action steps as life events naturally happen.
Typically, I do not share personal experiences yet my attitudes, training, wisdom, and opinions shine through. At the moment I am experiencing exactly what my written words describe. I am holding positive thoughts as things keep breaking and water keeps finding its way into my house as other things are getting fixed. While it is challenging, I feel my optimism is also being challenged. I realize all will be well and hope that I have a kind and generous insurance adjuster.
Optimism is the gift that this experience is bringing me. Things break and then get fixed. People falter and then they become stronger. Relationships change or evolve and each person can build their capacities for greater love and wisdom. This is only a house even though it is my home. It feels important to to focus on things getting resolved and repaired. It is important I know this as I build my business and heal from surgery, to keep a sunny outlook is the only path worth taking.
Studies show that optimism is about 25 percent inheritable, and then there are other factors that affect our positive mental attitude including historical environment, coping skills and socioeconomic status that are often out of one’s control. Yet that still leaves a solid amount of learning space to develop a more optimistic outlook as adults. So if you’re someone who tends to see the negative in a given situation, there’s hope.
“Positive thinking doesn’t mean that you ignore life’s stressors. You just approach hardship in a more productive way,” says Kimberly Hershenson, LMSW. Science shows that those with an optimistic outlook have better cardiovascular health and a stronger immune system, earn a higher income and have more successful relationships.
So whatever is going on and whatever you hope to come about, the gift of optimism is at your continual disposal. All you have to do is know that all will be well somehow and to cope with the gift of good thoughts and a positive attitude.
” The lens through which you view your life- the life attitude behind your relationship expectations, perceptions, intentions, and interactions- rules your world.” Nina Sidell, M.A. “Parenting for Life”.
What do you want to develop in yourself and in your relationships? Do you notice the way you take care of yourself? Are you attentive to the way you care for others and others care (or don’t) care for you? Your personal development consists of reaching to your best self and developed skills as you follow your personal truth and excellence- in an authentic way. Personal empowerment comes next when you find strength of spirit, courageously aware of personal and interpersonal meaning. When you are empowered, you value your life choices and learned lessons; you live with truth, confidence, and strength.
There is always hope to grow your personal and interpersonal skills when you recognize the need and do the work. Every individual in spiritual terms is responsible for fulfilling the sacred contract of their life, agreed before birth and encoded in the psyche or soul to help learn lessons. In Indian culture, we learn and grow (or are stifled) to work off our karma based on our actions and cause and effect for the future. The bottom line is that in any language, caring for the self and others are key ingredients to live, evolve, and grow the best life!
If you were raised in a household that modeled or tolerated mistreatment of the self or others, you may not recognize the toxicity when you continue to allow these types of negative patterns.
Do you recognize any of these signs of mistreatment in yourself or others?
Patterns of negative thoughts, words, or actions
Easy to anger
Ignore others and block feedback
Stingy with positive feedback
Patterns of negating, comparing, or judging
Patterns of blaming or shaming
Lacking empathy and emotional connection
Abusive, put-down language (overt name-calling or covert messaging)
Physical harm or mistreatment
Reactionary vs. responsive
Not accountable (for thoughts, words, or actions)
Resistance to change and growth
Putting up with “less than”
Feeling worn out, exhausted, under attack,or afraid
Unwilling to see the problem and seek help
What we need in the world today is an awareness and importance for our culture to value and improve: love of the self and love toward others. The mental, emotional, intellectual, and spiritual health of each person, family, and community is paramount to heal our world.
The planet is going through difficult times shifting us from a sense of security to the reality of chaos. Violence, sudden murderous attacks and shootings, fires, hurricanes, volcanoes, missing children, the opioid epidemic, and leadership unknowns rack our brains and continue to grow. Empathy is at an all-time low and narcissism is raging at an all-time high. There is more permissive parenting and our culture has forgotten the importance of the welfare and protection of children, as well as the importance of family. We are on overload and have a choice how to live, heal ourselves, each other, and the planet.
Love, trust, respect, empathy, and healthy communication are at the core of us creating a better world. We must remember the importance of well-being, comprised largely of taking care of ourselves, our children and our relationships. It is time to acknowledge that we all deserve to heal our wounds and find a better way to live as human beings.